Let Go....

Off Track

2011-08-04T11:12:00.000-07:00

So we're back from vacation and what can I say? We at like kings (literally, at the Tournament of Kings hehe). I am happy to say though that despite all the buffets and snacks, I was able to keep the weight gain to a minimum. Only like two pounds. I think that is because of the ridiculous amount of walking and extreme heat. Plus we spent a whole day at the pool splashing around. That's gotta be a workout right?! And on my birthday we crammed in a weeks worth of walking trying to see everything on our last day.

Doesn't sound so bad, right? Well, now I just can't seem to get back into the groove. I haven't been to the gym (except for the monthly drawing, which we won, a new bbq!), I can't seem to get comfortable sleeping in my own bed, my body is sore and tired when I'm asleep and awake, and I'm exhausted from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. It's all a big mess.

I think I'm going to call this week a loss and start fresh next Monday. My goal is to wake up early and work out. Even if it's in my living room, or a walk around the complex. Working out in the evenings isn't going so well for me so I need to try and change it up. Plus, once I start classes in a few weeks, mornings probably my only option. I can do this, right?!

Here's to motivation!

Sizzling Fresh

2011-07-11T23:16:00.000-07:00

This place will be my downfall. It's so delicious and addictive. The biggest problem is it's all-you-can eat.

I was doing so well today. I had fruit for breakfast (cantelope); turkey jerky as a snack; chicken, 1/4 a baked potato, and a salad for lunch. All I drank was water and fresca. Then the hubby suggested Sizzling Fresh Mongolian BBQ for dinner. It was all downhill from there. I had two bowls, lemonade, rice....even grabbed a 3 Muskateers bar at Target on the way home. What a hot mess my night turned out to be. I didn't help matters by getting on the scale....bleh.

What's done is done but tomorrow I'm back on it. I need to hit the gym, get the metabolism working for me like it was this weekend. At least if I eat badly I'll know that my body is working to use those calories and fuel my workout.

Tomorrow is another day ;-)

Frienemy

2011-07-09T12:21:00.000-07:00

Ah, the scale...hated by so many but yet we long for it's approval. I bought this lovely contraption this past holiday weekend before I lost all self-control and ate everything that was put in front of me. I can it a frienemy for a few reasons. I love it because it told me what I hadn't realized, which is, I'm a lot closer to a weight goal I have had for a long time. Ok, I'll spill it, I'm only a few pounds shy of being under 200 for the first time in I don't remember. I honestly can't think of the last time I weighed less than 200 pounds. Maybe high school?? Either way, I was reassured to know that, at least over the last year or so, I've lost about 12 pounds. It could be better if I stepped up the exercise and better controlled my diet but to think I've made at least some progress, even though it doesn't show nearly as much as I'd like it to, makes me feel like there is hope; a light at the end of the tunnel. It's like this: If I can make some progress with as little effort as I've put in the past year (barely any exercise and only occasionally eating properly) think of what kind of changes I can make to my mind, body, and soul if I put all 100%+ into it?! Very motivating. I won't for one second pretend that my medication didn't help in some aspect of this weigh- loss-without-effort almost miracle but with my health, I need all the help I can get!! So while the scale can be depressing, evil, and demotivating, I've also found that it can be just the spark you need to kick it into overdrive ;-)

Derailed

2011-07-06T14:08:00.000-07:00

Well the holiday weekend brought me many good things. I had a wonderful night out with one of my best friends on Friday night, full of drinking and bad eating. Saturday, my husband returned from his long visit in Arizona helping his father who is in the hospital. Sunday was the best day of all! We headed out to the casino about 30 miles away and stayed the night. We celebrated the holiday weekend by gambling, drinking, and eating to our hearts content. We had a fancy dinner at their nice steakhouse, two desserts, and what felt like a second dinner at 2 a.m. We were so glutenous but it felt so good to just do what we wanted. More importantly we won big at the casino and boy does that give you a untouchable feeling. Monday we were better behaved, though we did start the day off with a breakfast buffet and ended it with Wingstop....

What a nose-dive we took this weekend! But I have resolved to get back on track.Yesterday wasn't proof but we did sign up my husband for a gym membership and we have every plan of going tonight. I'm still leery of my workout videos so I think heading to the gym with the hubby will help motivate us both. We can support each other and both start working toward our goal....less weight.

Just for fun I wanted to post some pics of some of the goodies/evils (depending on how you look at it) that we consumed this weekend....I should be ashamed...

Matterhorn Cake (can be seen on the Food Network) Will decided to pick it up on his way through Bakersfield

Strawberry Gelato

Chocolate-covered strawberries. Will decided to surprise me with something romantic ;-)

Bringing the Pain

2011-07-05T16:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I tried my new workout video for the first time on Sunday morning....I almost died! This video was supposed to be a 57 minute challenge to start me on the road to fitness. Instead it was about 20 minutes of me using every curse word I know to describe how I felt, what I thought of the video (and the skinny bitches smiling back at me), and what was being asked of me. I really don't (or at least didn't) think I was that out of shape but this video showed me how far I have to go! I like to think that part of the problem was a lack of motivation because of a) the holiday weekend, b) the intoxicating prospect of the evening to come, or c) a combination of exhaustion from the nights prior and the lack of proper nutrition needed to sustain THAT kind of workout. Whatever combination of....ahem...excuses...ahem...you chose just know that even on my most motivated and determined day, I'm going to have dig deep and pull from god knows where to get through all 57 minutes of that workout without collapsing.

I do intend to give it the old college try. And if it doesn't work for me, I have 30 days to return it and I've only paid for shipping. I'm going to give it two weeks. I owe it to myself. Just because something is difficult in the beginning does not mean that it won't end up being worth while. This could end up changing my life, so I have to at least give it the opportunity to! Wish me luck!

Inception

2011-07-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

The title is fitting for a number of reasons. I'm currently obsessed with the movie and watching it at every opportunity. But more importantly, this is the beginning of a journey. I should have started it a long time ago but there is no time like the present.

There are no words to express the importance of the journey I'm about to undertake. I'm sickly. And when I stop and think about how sickly I am I wonder how I will ever dig myself out of this. There's diabetes, PCOS, and the host of problems that accompany those diseases. The most difficult is the catch-22 that these diseases can become in your life. Doctors tell you that everything will be better once you lose weight. But they never mention the flip side (though it's no secret) that losing weight with these diseases is whole other battle in and of itself. I was just thinking back yesterday about how when I was a teenager if I wanted to lose a few pounds all I had to do was drink lots of water, cut out the junk, and make some more time for exercise. Now it is a commitment of mind and spirit that most people will never have to undertake. I think that may be the most discouraging part. Is knowing that even if I put in just as much effort as the average person, I won't see even half the results. Trust me, I've done it.

So maybe that is where my resolve must come from. I know that I have to give everything and change everything in order to make a difference. But maybe that isn't so bad...maybe not being able to half-ass it will make it stick. So it's starts today. I just got my new fitness videos in the mail yesterday. It's called Physique 57 (check them out of facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Physique57). I'm excited because it looks it will be challenging but also help me build the kind of body I want. I'm always afraid that I'll get bulky, which if I worked out my already large muscles, I would! It's it's important for me to build long, lean muscles. I'm short and stocky so I need all the help I can get. Wish me luck.

I took these pics this morning. Now, granted this is a brand new, pretty flattering top (and I'm possibly sucking some in but I can't help it!) I still see what I can to change most. My tummy! I know I need to tone my arms, lift and firm my butt, and trim the back fat, but I would leave everything else as is if I could get rid of this gut. I mean, how many months pregnant am I supposed to look anyways?! So it's gotta go.